If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
