my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
