i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
