i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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