You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
