dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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