Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
