Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
