I wannas sexs uuuuu
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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