She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
