1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
