Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
