dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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