I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
