You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
