I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
