He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
