I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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