I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
