Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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