If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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