remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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