you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
