You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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