Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
