I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
