Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
