I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
no, he came in my armpit
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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