Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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