im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
