I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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