If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
