Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
