Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
