I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
