I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
