No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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