a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
