I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
