did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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