God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
