the condom got lost in my hair
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
