i just had sex bonerless
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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