It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
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