Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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