and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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