How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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