Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
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