I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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