Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
