Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
