I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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